The man I used to be...

Well, this has been a rather interesting few weeks to say the very least. Where to begin...?

The move is almost fully completed. I still have a few things to manage at my old residence. As far as answering my commitment to my ex-wife on getting things handled asap, I did the very best I could. The legacy of nearly ten years together leaves quite a mess, but I really did give it my all as far as getting stuff dealt with in a timely fashion. But being disabled and depressed is a rather considerable double-whammy, and I'm sure in a number of ways I didn't measure up. Shifting sands under my feet aside, I really did try and honor our special relationship by doing my best.

These past two weeks have been ones of countless boxes being sorted through. Going from a 1500 sq ft house with a large garage for storage down to a 500 sq ft studio has meant downsizing on a heretofore unknown-to-me level. But seriously; if I haven't used it since I moved to Portland from Milwaukee in 2000, do I really need this (fill-in-the-blank)? The thrifts have been making out on me in a big way.

The flat ("D-Flat", as my kid and I affectionately refer to it) is taking shape. It's been challenging, as I said with the box of boxes in boxes. I've been forced to do something that I've not been all that good at in the past, and that's dealing with everything immediately, as in as-it-arrives fashion. I don't have the luxury of bringing a box or two back, and then letting it sit without being processed down into the smallest amount of stuff possible. If I bring a crate of stuff home, and don't process it, there's a better than zero chance that I won't be able to get into my bathroom! This was a big bone of contention between my ex and I (and rightly so). We had a garage packed full of stuff/whatnot/crap/treasure and it stayed that way in various states of disarray since we bought the house in 2006. I cop to that being mostly my fault. I would just look at it all and get completely overwhelmed. Good news is, there's a lot less in it now than there was!

The tough part of all this, really, is going through years of stuff and finding old love-notes and cards. Yeah; gut-wrenching stuff. One more exercise in impermanence. I'm dealing. Better than I thought, actually.

Being polyamorous, I think one of the things that helps with the feelings of abandonment (and there are some, to be sure) is that I'm still in a romantic relationship. I've been seeing my current girlfriend for almost two years now. We see other people, but we've been getting better at making time for each-other. We both don't think our relationship would work as a long-term monogamous pairing, but we're awfully close friends, and we love each-other very much in our own way. It's not an effortless relationship by any stretch of the imagination, but we make it work rather well for the most part. I treated her to seeing Thievery Corporation last Monday evening (pictured above--smokin' show, btw; literally!) and last night she surprised me by suddenly being available. We had a great night, and a nice, languid morning of coffee, breakfast and company. Felt nice. At least with poly, this isn't some stop-gap rebound meaningless sex thing; this is our relationship, and it's been in place for a while. But it is nice to spend time with someone who values me for me, and responds to who I am.

In other news, the kid's doing really well. Six months free of her daemon. I like being able to be proud of her again, and told her so. She turned 19 yesterday. Nineteen! That makes me... uh... old. As a gift for her 6mo anniversary, I'm doing what all responsible parental units would do to reward sobriety:

Taking her to see The Crystal Method!

These past few weeks have been tough. It's made me think a lot about who I was, who I perported to be, who I am now, and who I want to be in the future. I know one thing; I want to get back to doing a number of things I used to do regularly in the past. More on that in another post, but suffice it to say that I'm getting back to being more of the man I used to be every day. Personally, I think that's a good thing.

So anyway, there's your update, webs! More later. I need to sort a few more boxes, then get to sanzen...