More later, but just know...

Yes, I'm happy. But unfortunately, the turd of Prop 8 on top of my happiness sundae is a bit, umm... "turd-like". I *do* believe we'll get it overturned. I really do believe we're embarking upon a new direction for this country. We have to. We HAVE to. The days of our head in the sand and our asses hanging out in the breeze must be over. I'm sorry that half the nation believes in things like "god" on our money, in our courthouses and in our bedrooms. But the world, and the global consciousness is evolving, and for us to survive, we MUST throw off these retarded fetters (and yes, I used the un-pc term "retarded" because if there ever was a fair and proper use for the word, the last eight years is it) and start rebuilding our collective intellect. We must stop being afraid of being compassionate, stop being embarrassed by our leadership, think of the globe and not just the chunk between the Colonies of The United States of Canada and The Dirty Secret of Mexico (el inodoro de la Americas) and rebuild our reputation as best we can.

And I believe we can...

Peace, everyone. For real...

...are only slightly wrong.

Still here, folks. But boy, oh boy are my arms tired! Woops. Blew the trite overused joke there. And so it goes.

Helping my step-daughter detox from a dangerous flirtation with the goddess Her-Oin. Boy does this take me back. And not to a good toilet. I'll write more on it later. But I promise I will.

Book-work is stalled again. Life is working me pretty damn hard atm. Life has that habbit. Hehehe... I said "habit".

Anyways, was just checking in after a few of my favorite SG's (Hi Nora!) and happened to read Brad Warner's most recent SG piece. Popped over to his blog, and went "Hell, I haven't blogged in a blog's age. People probably think I was lying face down in a puddle of ascii by now." Well, I'm not.

More later, friends. Need to strap on the strap-on and do life until it asks for more lube...

...and for that, I'm sorry s'more. Lotsa lotsa stuff happening. Some good; some notsomuch or Chaotic-Neutral, as always.

Writing continues, but has slowed, mostly due to time constraints, as 3D issues need to be dealt with.

As to a few of the 3D issues, the garden is finally on-line and up-to about 85% capacity. The heat has been dealt with and successfully abated. Two rigs are going; one large hood with 2 1k bulbs, and one smaller hood with one 600w HPS, as alluded to in the last post. Both are ducted, and doing well. The a/c is JUST keeping temps at or below 80f at all times, which is on the high-end of the sweet-spot, but the sweet-spot none-the-less.

All the above is good news for me and the patients; cupboard's bare, and we're limping by on donations again. I swear I'll never fall off of a successful rotation again!

Personally, it's been a damn hard few weeks, but things are better now. Frankly, it deserves its own blog, but I think I'll just save it for my shrink.

I'll try and get better at the blog-thingy. Pinky-swear...

...since I've blogged. Lots of shat going on. Some good. Some notsomuch. Things is what they is.

The room is finally nearly fully on-line. The joy is palpable. Not being dependent on the kindness of the people in my medical community is such a relief. It'll be even better in a month when I harvest the first batch. That should be enough to get us through until a regular rotation is established. Two plants every month should provide for us all, with excess to store long term, and even excess excess to donate back into my community. The good news is, two plants a month will be the minimum I pull down. Four is more likely. I grow my plants smaller than I could for a few reasons, not the least of which is that in the case of an interaction with LEO (Law Enforcement Official), I will not appear to be a commercial enterprise.

I still have work to do, but the bulk of the work is done. The hood now holds one 1k MH and 1k HPS lamp, sealed behind glass, and ducted through a 245cfm fan, vented out under my back deck. The bargain A/C I stumbled upon at Home DePot is a real work-horse. It's powerful enough to cool the room down to 76f-78f with a bit of power to spare, so the potential to add one more 600w HPS is there, and I plan on trying that today. That is ducted out through the pre-existing vent pipe that was in place to facilitate a gas oven pilot light. I just pulled the duct off the flange, and taped my exhaust flexi-duct to that, and the heat issues were done. If I can keep my daytime temps in the flowering room under or at 80f, I'm good to go, and the room will be 2600w; rougly the same light value as the sun at noon. The light footprint is different than that, but that's less important than the spectrum and the intensity, as well as my ability to control and focus that light where I need it.

Aside from that, it's been a pretty stressful few days/weeks. Personally, I feel sort of shaken. The confidence i once had in a number of aspects of my life has been eroded and I'm a bit fearful of the future. But there is precious little I can do about that, save to keep striving to be the most genuine "me" I can be, and hope that'll be enough. It just seems a bit odd that I spend time encouraging people to be authentic, and then when I am, people can't deal with it. But I've discovered over time that most people are that way, honestly. Being authentic means being vulnerable. Why? Because deep down, in each person's authentic center is a little child that gets hurt easily. Not allowing for that chance of pain and disappointment means not being authentic, and therefore, not experiencing all that your life provides. Wanting to experience "all that life has to offer" means the shit with the sugar. Take it all in, or shore up your walls. Here comes the flood.

Après moi le déluge...


Oh, hey, I'm Twittering now. I think my Borg implant may be next.

Ah yes. Autumn rains make an early attack, and helicopters are in the air. I'm speaking of course about fall in the Pacific North West, and the attack on the fall outdoor cannabis crops. I've mooned the DIE (Drug Interdiction and Eradication) 'copters twice now. I can't believe at how angry it makes me still. Every time I see them, all I see is money and resources vaporizing in the air. We could feed a whole lot of people with that money. Imagine how many people we'd be able to provide cannabis-based end-of-life palliative care for with the money it costs to operate just one flight? At times, it literally makes me ill...

I'm in a bit of a pinch as far as my own crops go. My medical community has stepped up again, and I have plants going. 11 strains, and still well below my legal limit. But because the rooms aren't yet fully done and running, I've been using the great big bulb in the sky, and while the plants are rather happy about that (the sun always trumps an HID lamp), I'n not quite ready to bring them in, and the weather the past four days has been my enemy. I have them successfully covered for now, but there's lots to be done, and I don't have all my poop in a pile. They need to be sprayed with avermectin to protect them from the dreaded two-spotted spider mite (one egg to 20,000 mites in less time than it takes to skin up, and that's a very weak exaggeration). Trouble is, they're already starting to flower at this latitude, and spraying something like AVID on flowering plants is something I always advise people against doing. "Never spray anything on flowering plants!" is the mantra, and here I am having to do so. Again. Sometimes I wish I was a better student to my own teachings.

Tomorrow we head to the coast for a bit to pick up two donated plants; one a small clone, and the other a 2' ready-to-flower parent of the clone. The medicine was great for Ellen, so I'm looking forward to growing it out. Frankly, I'm looking forward to having and being around flowering plants again. Being in a room with that much oxygen being pushed out of the plants as they do their photosynthesis magic combined with the scent of the resinous flowers is nearly magical, and is absolutely a high onto itself. Combine that with the intensity of the lights, and there's no better treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder on Earth. Seriously, I'd love to see a study on that.

I have ducting and air-conditioning work to do. No big deal, save that I've been busy injuring myself quite a bit recently. I rammed some sliver of something into the bottom of my right foot last week, and couldn't get it out of my paw. I went to Urgent Care and they think they dug it out fully. f course, all the digging they did now mad it feel ten times worse than the sliver-object itself. To top that off, I of course had to get a tetanus shot, which I'm pretty sure I'm reacting to. I've had a body-ache sinc eabout an hour after the shot, and had the chills most of the night. Bleh. The cherry on top? I think the shot may be waking my on-going shingles (oh flippin' joy!) as my back has ached "in that way" since last night.

So I'm sitting at my new favorite coffee house, and a date/friend/sweet hippie chick just showed up. Ah the joys of poly. More as it develops.


So I'm "officially" gone from Suicide Girls. I'll say "hey" to all my SG friends from there popping in here to see me. Thanks.

And thanks to all the cool folks there why have taken time to tell me that they'll miss me and my input there. It's nice to hear and appreciated. It won't keep me there, though; SG is dying on the vine. The management is unresponsive to its users, the snark level has gotten out of hand, and it's generally no fun there anymore. Actually, it hasn't been "fun" for about a year. I stayed because of the people, not the "SG experience". The slide really started when they let go of people like Wil Wheaton and Martin Attkins--decent columnists. Then D.R. Epstein died. Sad, but moreover, their best feature writer was gone. They should have aggressively expanded their features at that time, but instead, they stalled. A number of us members tried to encourage them in the right direction, but were summarily ignored. Well, at that point, what's the use in staying?

And honestly, I'm 40 years old. The nekkid chicks are, well, cute and all, but you can only look at the babes for so long before you go "Dude, you could easily be her FATHER..." Not that that makes me sad in and of itself. More than that, it just makes me go "Ehh... another nekkid chick... over there... where I'm not. Big whip..." Porn-erotica-whathaveyou just really doesn't do it for me much anymore. I need to focus my life on the reality, the 3D of things. I was one of the first gen of folks to help build the tubes that make the InterWeb run. I started a web design company before the dot-com craze blew. I helped spread porn far and wide across the world.

Yippie. It's old. I need to figure out a way to be active again, and it sure as hell isn't the 'net, or social networks that actually encourage a person to sit on their asses typing all day to somebody somewhere else that doesn't really matter. Worse, become a game addict again.

I want--need--reality. Real people. Real bodies. Real relationships. Real reality.

"I don't believe in Heaven, but I still believe in ghosts.
I've put away childish things..."

-James McMurtry

Sometimes these OKCupid tests are rather compelling...

Your result for The Tri-Variable Personality Test (qualified psychologist) ... (Test by divncom)

The Modernist
You scored 33Artist, 35 Philosopher, 33 Scientist!

You represent all that is hypermodern in thinking and existing in today's society. You live a very active and agile mental life, combining it with sporadic activities that involve intense personal expression (art, blogging, etc.) As opposed to the other types, your thinking style is a combination of: methodical, artistic and introspective. This means you are at different points in time capable of: valuing something, imagining it spatially, and enjoying its value experientially. You are likely highly literate, but you are a jack of all trades in that no particular field captures your fancy entirely. You may find yourself involved in a range of activities; make sure you are comfortable with your own identity and that you do not neglect any of the major aspects of thought. There could potentially be a propensity for skiddishness or flightiness. Furthermore, you are very easy going as a friend and partner ... easily absorbing the personalities around you, but not committing to any side in particular. Quote from a Modernist: "People often think I'm flip flopping on my opinons, when in reality, I'm just seeing many sides to something." Examples of Modernists: Tony Blair, Leonardo Da Vinci, Aristotle

Hello to all my SG friends linking into my blog. Make sure to drop me a line here and say hi.

This podcast will only be available for a limited time, so enjoy it while you can! You can download the enhanced podcast version for your iPod by clinking the m4a file.

There is a saying; "Be a light unto the world".  I personally hold this to be true.  We cannot effect positive change in this world with negativity.  It really never works.

Having said that, when you are an educator or writer, you are--by default--a public figure of sorts.  As private as you may like your life to be, there is a portion of you that must be accessible to the public.  If that's not the case, then why publish?  Why take what you know and train others with it if you're not willing to discuss these things with the public you aimed your message at in the first place?

When you were in school, who were the teachers that bothered you the most?  Me?  It was the grumpy ones; the ones that lost the love of teaching.  The ones that were just dragging along until tenure touched them, and their retirement was insured.  I would actually try and engage them, but invariably it would be the same thing; it was like trying to get someone who didn't really like you to be your friend.  In the end, the only one who was hurt was me.

All this above is aimed at those people today who write books, or accept positions of leadership or mentorship, and are then pissed off when people want to engage them.  Admittedly, there are always those who try and take too much, or are just there to stir people up for a reaction, but I really do believe that they're the exception and not the rule.  But honestly, if you are that put off by communicating with people, maybe you shouldn't, no matter how erudite you are, and let someone who feels the message in their hearts do the work you so obviously loath...

I'll admit that it's still a little odd feeling when a 60-year-old grandmother comes to you for cannabis advice; even moreso when she is sitting with you on your deck smoking your best, and asking when the hashish will be finished drying!   She is just getting over a hysterectomy after having had some multiple-pound fibroid removed, and is a pretty hurting unit.  This on top of her qualifying medical condition (she was hit by a city bus).  She has turned into one of my (our) dearest friends, and makes me feel like my mom's here!

Amazing things you can accomplish on Craigslist.  The truck (Hendrix) pre-existed, and we got it through a friends' contacts, but it was 5 min from being sold on Craigslist, so it's as good as from there.  The camper (SRV) was brought home on Tuesday.  It's a '64 Arrow, with built-in porn!!!  Well, that is true, but there's so much more!  Free salt, pepper and Lowery's seasoning salt!  Free broken bungee cords!  Free wasps!  Free, free, FREE!

Not too bad for $350.  Just enough work to be fun, and just enough that works that we'll be able to use it before the end of summer.

Now if I can just convert the truck to run on dog poop, we'll be good to go...

...that is my life.  Since I'm bailing out of a number of my on-line communities and social groups, mostly for the sake of time, I've decided (actually, many others have insisted) that I'll start keeping a regular blog.  What will this blog be about?  Well, my weird life, in all its forms.  Topics will include: Buddhism, drugs, medical cannabis, polyamory, social activism, love, veganism and vegetarianism, music, gardening, and progressive thinking in all its forms.  In that regard, it is looking to be a very Oregonian blog!  But at a minimum, it will be a blog about the same things that were important to me while I lived an on-line existence; just a whole lot quieter.

Feel free to get a hold of me at, and again, welcome.